shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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