If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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