Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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