so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
