the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
