no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
