i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
