I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize