I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
