Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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