What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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