oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
