just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
