Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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