what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
