it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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