It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
