No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
