Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
