I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
