Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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