you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
