I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
