Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
