how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
