Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
