her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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