ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
