Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
