I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
