if i can run in heels then i can drive
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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