Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
