you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
