8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
