Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
