i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
