I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
