you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
