Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize