btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize