Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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