My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
