I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
