Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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