i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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