haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
