I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
