in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am spending my child support on dildos
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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