This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
