I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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