so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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