My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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