I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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