The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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