my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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