so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
