it was like eating out sand paper
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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