I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
