Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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