Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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