GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
