put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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