its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
