the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
