the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Welp...herpes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
