They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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